Glow in the dark...

The title of this entry is not even related to my post. Far-fetched. My life could become such a boring pitiful life. But whose life isn't? we are all bored with our lives and sometimes we often convince ourselves that it's not even though it's obvious as it is. I did nothing but to sit on this couch since yesterday with my laptop in my right side, placed over a small elongated table. For a couple of months now, this pink computer has been my only true friend. 

While on this couch or sofa [since I'm not sure if what is the difference between the two and I don't intend to Google it and I don't care if you tagged me as dumb] I come to think of so many thoughts. Perhaps, one of them is a job, a good job. Other than that, I have thought about food; if chocolate cake tastes better than cookie monster or the other way around. Lastly, just like most of my thoughts these past few days, is the thought of having a girlfriend. It came to a point where my friends are making fun of me about not getting a relationship for a couple of years now.

As of this very moment, I'm still contemplating if this time is the perfect timing. How would I know? I always believe that there is something good in waiting but I guess that cliche is not for me because I'm always the impatient one, the one who is foolish and reckless. I'm the type of person who does things my way, my way and no other else.

On the other hand, I cannot really say that I am impatient. After all, I waited for love and ignored a couple of women and gays who had try their best to get noticed by me. Plus, more gays. I can still remember that on Friday, that's a day before the next before Sunday which is today, while making the fastest pace I could ever have done for an afternoon walk towards my class, a couple of students called me by my name. And I am not happy about that. I have to admit that I like women but not it [I have to use this pronoun because I'm not sure if which one is appropriate for them, what is the plural of it? Them. Yet them is not even appropriate].

One time, my gay classmate had asked me something greenish. It was greenish and it surely caught me off-guard but I told it that if only it is a girl, we could end up in a nearby lodging house for a short time. I was mean, of course. It never texted again.

The purpose of this post is to remind myself that I need to get that date next week. That's next week. Yes, for the first time since.... I can no longer remember, I am going to date someone seriously. Not just for a good time which I kept on doing for years. Not just to get a fling which I repetitiously do for the benefit of us two. This one is something, well, serious. I'm not sure.

The girl whom I am going to have a date with has been very hesitant for weeks. That I am like this or like that. That my face is not trustworthy and all. She doesn't believe me every time we exchange text messages. But whatever it is, our date is set. She has to, we had a bargain. I'll keep this thread updated. Asta Lavista!

The Multi-tasking Me!

I am writing this blog while playing DotA while texting while studying for a final exam while editing features.

Why am I so good at multi-tasking at times? Apart from studying ‘nose-bleeding’ geology, I also have to edit this features article which was submitted to me passed midday Saturday. This article, like any articles for the special issue, is late. Plus my procrastinating editing, the more late this one can be. One of the reasons is that I cannot concentrate with the publication because I have a removal exam that was postponed to Monday. I need to pass that one in order for me to get rid of this subject Petrology.

The articles should have been edited by my higher eds by now if only I am not preoccupied by this subject. I am running a special report and at the same time editing this Features which are all vital for the publishing of this issue. That means if I am not done, there will be no special issue. Tomorrow is Sunday and the real reason behind the sudden closure of one of our colleges should be published a few days after tomorrow.

Jessie Nigeria Dolia will finish the report while Jela Gori and Cherry Demetillo had to collaborate to come up with a story. So there you go!

THIS ENTRY IS SUPPOSED TO BE PUBLISHED ON SUNDAY. STUCK IN MY ARCHIVES.

Wala Nang Masyadong Usapan...

At nalaman ko nalang na maliban sa pagkahilig ko sa babaeng mestisa, seksi, matalino at flirt ay mas nagkakagusto pa pala ako sa babaeng simple, matalino at mabait. Siguro nga ay may kagandahan at kabuluhang mangyayari kung malanding babae ang pag-uusapan. Teka. Yun na nga yun eh. Wala nang usapan. Wala nang masyadong usapang nangyayari.

Pero char lang...

"Kung may talento ka, gamitin mo. Huwag kang umupo lang sa tabi at maghintay nang talent manager. Ipakita mo. Ipakita mo." - Kung sino man ang nagsulat nito, wala kang talento!

I would sit in front of a computer every early Saturday morning. It was not because I was fond of YouTube, movies or social networking sites (Well, Facebook had a part of it) but I was up for something to write. Apart from being always absent in class and investing all my academic years in playing badminton, I also wanted to write. And you know, impress my editors despite my lousy English and poor knowledge of the English grammar. In me was this confidence that I could be good at anything (except dancing and drawing. The impossibility for me to gain such a skill would be infinite). I learned though, creative writing/journalism. It was a skill that was not hard to master. It was a part of me. I was born with it. How easy it was for me to write anything. Anything. No sweat. BUT THAT WAS A YEAR AGO AND A FEW MORE YEARS BACK.

Now, I'm so lost. I don't know or can't think of anything to write. Juice(less). I'm tired, perhaps, with all the things that happen in the pub. I was disappointed and unheard. And no matter how much I try to come back to my pace  I can't. I don't know. It is such a shame for an editor, a writer before that. Every single time I write an article and it gets published,  I always fear that it would be my last one. That it would be the last juice of an arid jar. I need inspiration. I need someone to love. Awwwwwww!!!! Mao ra diay to akoang e-blog? What the heck!! Daghan pang draamaa!!!!

The Liquor of Life

I see the fear in your eyes

Yet love on your smile

Please do not run, nor be scared

I desire not to own nor tie you down

I desire not use what you give or say

I desire only to share from my cup with you

The Liquor of life until it runs dry

I believe forever can be just a moment in time

If we have only this moment, then this is my forever

....And in my forever I was love by you

Note: This is an award winning poem by an author I failed to give a name. Nonetheless, this is worth sharing and worth a space here in my blog. Be inspired. (Just because I am not inspired by whom nor anyone)

Chubby Talks With Sister...

On days that are too ordinary, as long as my chubby sister is around, things can become a little bit funny. I become the mean big brother and she my silent minion. Bwahahahahaha…

Kinsa man tong ga-comment comment nimu sa Facebook? Ha? Tubag… Dili ka mutingog ha.. Wala raba ka ga-jogging ganeha…Bwahahahaha… Timan-e jud ha kung masakpan tikaw mag-uyab uyab, kulatahon nako ng laki… Kasabot ka? Ha? Bwahahahaha… Tulion nako…. Gasabot na raba ming kuya Jun Jun nga kung masakpan ka namo ay na… Timan-e wala jud mahay jud. Gubot jud. Bwahahahaha….

After one hour… She was watching USA VS France Olympic Basketball Game…

Inday… Dakoa nemug bukton… Mas dako pas akoa.. Bwahahaha… (She ignored me as if I was not there.) Dili ka managad nako ha?? Ga-gym ka sa? Dako man kag bukton… Tug-an sa tinoud? Bwahahahaha… Runner ka dai? Imung paa… Bwahahahaha….

After 10 minutes…

Huy.. Tug-an sa tinoud ba.. Naa kay uyab uyab? Basta ug masakpan tikaw… Wala natay dungog ha… Wala man gani ko ga-uyab uyab para suhiron ko nimo…

Her: Uwata ko…

Me: Bwahahaha… Wala baya jud na… Mao nang suhira ko ha? Bantay man…

After a couple of hours, my primitive grandfather arrived. He is actually a highlander.

Me: Lolo, ato gud ni tambagan si inday bahin anang mga uyab uyab…

Lolo: Sige Sige.. Maayo na dong…

Me: Bwahahahaha….

My grandfather had a sermon about that matter for a few minutes… Then, we ate our dinner together with my cousins and pamangkins…

Me: Lolo, tambagi napud si inday bahin anang pag-jogging… Exercise ba… Unsa maning bataana mura mag pinasagdaan sa kusina… Bwahahahahahahaha…

Her: Sige, danag jud… (Still, she was silent. Bwahahahaha…)

This is a Visayan conversation. So there are only a few followers who can relate to this one. Have a nice day.

Sayang, Bakit Hindi Kita Niligawan

Until now, he still does not know when was the exact time that he found her attractive. Was it the first time? the second? the third? the fourth? Perhaps, things are a little bit confusing if you do not take them seriously. People are unimportant if you do not reconsider them, that somehow, at some point, they have value.

The first time they kissed, she asked him if he likes her. "Why do you ask?" he said. And that was it. He had known women for such a long time. He managed to read their thoughts, the motives of their eyes. But he never wanted any relationship this time. He just need someone who can accompany him when the time comes that he needs a woman. His motive is rather physical in nature.

But the truth? it is not physical. They are emotionally entwined with each other. Each time they meet and kiss, he began to feel something awkward that he tried to keep within himself. She asked him several times about their relationship but never even once he mentioned his feelings for her. For him, she was just a pastime, something to be remembered when he is bored.

He ignored her several times. He does not answer her calls and text messages. He contacts her in times of boredom, in occasions when he is tired of playing computer games. He thought of her as a friend. But they are more than that. It is a complicated thing that he himself is reluctant to know.

She grew tired with him. She sure knows that she is beautiful, and many guys are waiting for her go signal if not because of him. She left his boyfriend for him. Her reasons are apparent and obvious. But he remained jerk and oblivious about it. He is a jerk, indeed.

Now, she does not care about him anymore. The last time he asked her to watch a movie in the big screen, she declined. She is not easy to get. He shall know that. But there are no regrets for his  part. He convinced himself more so often than any other issues he had in the past. He has feelings for her, yes. But he is tired and does not have time to act upon it.

To Write is To Sleep

There was this one time in elementary when I accidentally poured a glass of cola to my classmate's uniform. He was so mad he asked me for a fight. I told him that I was sorry and did not mean it. But he insisted for a fight. So, later that afternoon we agreed to meet in the middle of the school grounds (North City Elementary School) and he started to pick up a fight with me. But I told him that I did not want any trouble, that my mother could wash/clean his uniform so that his mom would not get mad at him. But he said that I was gay and told all of my classmates that I was a freaking coward.

I was taught by grandma and grandpa to be patient and that if I am at fault, I should apologize. That's the reason why I never hit him in the face. But he became too confident that I was a coward and started bullying me almost everyday. So I told him that starting the next day, if he calls me gay one more time, he would regret it.

And he did. A couple of miniseconds after he said that, he fell into the classroom floor, clamoring for help. In an instant, he became a crying baby. I hit him in the face, at his cheekbone specifically. As a kid, I always watched shaolin movies. One good thing I learned from those films is that there are vital parts of a man's physique that when hit, cause their body to become partially dysfunctional.

I grew up with that principle. Throughout the time, I have learned to abide with that. I learned to become patient when I am at fault, and turns into a war-freak when someones messes up with me. Somehow, I also find this kind of attitude not healthy at all. I am very particular with details that tiny hint of insults, I believe, should be acted upon.

But that is not my direct conclusion of someone else's misbehavior. As I grew older, I also learned to consider people and their acts. But not inside a workplace. That kind of environment is different. There is a need to write this entry so that once this is published, I can sleep well at night. I do not like apologizing to anyone who is at fault. It kills me. It consumes my being. I know when people want to mess up with me. I know what kind of sarcasm is good or bad. I know the difference between insult and criticism. I know when I am at fault or not. I know when to act or not. I know when to hit someone in the face and become wild. My cause is always right, always pure and fair, despite the negative impression I get from other people. I do not really care if I am always misunderstood, as long as my cause is right, I can live with that.

Now, why did I apologize? because I am old and learning that other people have issues with me without me knowing gives me wrinkles. I made that selfless thing (I hate that crap) because of my cause. My cause is betterment, fair, and democratic. My cause is for everyone to be disciplined, to act upon which is right inside a workplace, and leave their bad GMRC behind. Well, humans are humans. They will learn. That includes me.

For the moment of a Squirrel...

Just like that, like a wind passing the vast blue sky, like a squirrel running a thud after picking up a nut inside a tree hole, everything changed. Those scenes, they were not that long or momentous as far as I can remember. But they were memorable enough to make me smirk, something to ponder when I am bored. I can still think about those even until now. Of course, talking about the wind, anything is possible for the wind. It could bring immeasurable joy or perhaps the sound of irrevocable death. But mine has nothing to do with that element of nature. I was and am a sneaky animal and this 'emo' blog entry has something to do with my irregular-shaped vital organ located in the left portion of my chest.

I was and still am on the edge, but not really at the tip of the sword, of falling in love. But this feeling, for some reasons, I tried to contain because I think this is just another piece of crap. So, I played around. Have had asked her for a date several times but most of those nights were my remarkable absences. Had told her that will stroll around for a longer while after my class. Had told her that will eat together some time. Had told her that what we have is just plain, mutual understanding, and that we do not need to overdo it. We do not need to over-react. I played dumb. She had no choice but to join monopoly. But ours is closer to snake and ladders. Waley. Waley. Who gets to the top first wins. But what is on the top, really?

Should I just stop rolling the dice? or how about grab her in and stop fooling around? Which is which, well I do not know. I do not intend to know. But really, cupid had me hit. So what should I do next? Okay then, I will sleep. That would be good. But this thing would make me restless. What a puppy dog...I am such a kiddo inside...

Ang Buhay ay Clown...

Minsan nga natatawa ako sa sarili ko. Maliban sa nakakatawang mukha ni Bentong o sa mga reaksiyon ni Mr. Bean o sa mga waley jokes ni Boy Pick-up ay wala nang mas nakakatawa sa buhay ko. At oo, pareho tayo. Ang buhay mo rin ay nakakatawa. Pagka’t malaki ang pagkakaiba natin sa kanila na ang buhay ay umiikot lamang sa telebisyon. Ang sa kanila ay mga buhay na hiram. Yung buhay na pansamantala. Pero itong atin, hindi. Totoo to. Nangyayari. At wala nang mas nakakatawa o nakakaiyak sa totoong buhay ng isang tao.

Nakakatawa yung mga panahong ginawa mo ang lahat para lamang makapasa sa exam mo na ang akala mo ay long exam. Syempre, kinaumagahan na nang humiga ka sa kama at ilang oras lang ang tulog mo dahil first period yung exam mo. Pero nang matapos ang exam ay nalaman mong 10 items lang pala. At hindi mo pa nasagotan lahat dahil sa first chapter lang kinuha ng magaling mong titser ang mga tanong niya. Okay lang, sampung chapters lang naman ang binasa mo eh.

Nakakatawa yung mga pagkakataong nakatapos ka ng isang minor subject mo tulad ng math o chemistry. At sobrang bilib na bilib ka sarili mo dahil higher math o higher chemistry yung pinasa mo. Pero alam na alam mo sa sarili mo na puro lang kayabangan ang meron ka dahil hindi mo naman talaga maipapasa lahat yun eh kung hindi ka tinulungan ng matalino mong klasmeyt.

Nakakatawa yung hihingi ka ng extrang baon sa mga magulang mo dahil may projects ka raw sa school o di kaya naman ay may field trip kayo sa cebu o manila. Dahil mahal ka ng magulang mo ay nanghiram sila ng pera sa kapitbahay niyo para lang ibigay sayo. At yun, ginamit mo nga sa project mo yung pera. Kasama mo yung girlfriend sa ginawa mong project. Nanood ng sine. Kumain sa labas. Binilhan siya ng flowers o di kaya naman ay teddy bear mula sa blue magic. Binilhan mo ng bagong t-shirt ang boyfriend mo o di kaya naman ay kumain kayo sa Jolibee o di kaya naman ay mcdo. Pagkatapos ng una niyong anniversary ay naghiwalay din kayo.

Pero siguro, wala nang mas nakakatawa pa sa pag-ibig. Yung gagawa ka ng tula o lyrics ng kanta habang tinutuno sa gitara para ibigay o iparinig sa kanya pero heto naming kinababaliwan mo ay gumagawa din ng kanta o tula para sa ibigay sa iba. Yung panahon ng hindi mo naman talaga gusto itong isang babae na nagpapapansin sayo kaya dinededma mo lang. Pero huli na nung nalaman mong may pagtingin ka rin pala sa kanya. Nang linapitan mo siya ay ayaw na niya sayo. Yung mga pagkakataong ayaw mo munang pumasok sa relasyon dahil nakakabuwesit lang ito sa buhay pero may biglang dumating na hindi naman kagandahan o kagwapuhan at sinimulang bwesitin ka araw araw pero nagustuhan mo rin naman at nasanay kana lang din.

Nakakatawa rin ang mga ekspektasyon ng mga tao kung editor ka sa pahina ng malikhaing pagsulat. Akala nila sisiw lang sayo ang magsulat ng isang pahina o dalawa. At magkaka-crush sayo ang mga bakla dahil nagugustuhan nila ang mga sinusulat mo. Tapos maniningil pa ng kay aga-aga ang EIC mo na alam naman niyang sa susunod na araw pa ang deadline mo, Yung tipong napre-pressure ka na at gusto mong sabihin sa kanya na “chillax lang, huwag kang panic.” Pero wala silang kaalam alam na sa bawat letra, sa bawat panahong iginugol mo sa pagsusulat ay ang katotohanang sana ay hindi ka nalang naging isang manunulat. Na sana ay ibang sideline nalang ang pinasok mo.