Paratangan ba naman ako...

Hindi ito ang unang beses na paratangan ako ng mga mahal ko sa buhay.

Paratangan akong magnanakaw.

Noong bata ako, pinaratangan akong kumuha ng walong libong piso dahil hawak hawak ko ito. Hindi nila alam na nakita ko yun at kinewenta ko ang pera para isauli sa katulong namin kasi siya yung nag.bubudget ng pera.

Hindi man lang sila nagtanong at sinampal ako sa mukha kaagad. Hindi ako umiyak. Hindi ako umimik. Tumahimik lang ako habang tuluyang ginawang basahan ang mukha ko. Grade 5 pa ako noon.

Noong college naman, pinaratangan akong kumuha ng celphone. Mumurahing celpon. Tapos tumawa lang ako kahit lahat sila ay ginawa na akong suspek. Wala akong pakialam dun.

Noong isang taon naman, pinaratangan akong kumuha ng DSLR cameras. Tatlo pa at nagkakahalga ng 250,000. Tumawa lang din ako. Inimbestigahan ako ng pulis. Inimbestigahan ako ng paaralan. Wala eh.

Napahiya tuloy yung mga nagturo sa akin. Mamatay sana kayo. LETSE.

Ngayon naman, tinawagan ako ng tita ko dahil suspek daw ako sa pagnanakaw sa isang sapatos na nagkakahalaga ng 5,000 pesos. Palagi nalang ako. Okay lang din.

Atleast, sikat ako sa nakawan. Pwede nang LUPIN The Fourth.

Kaya naman pala siguro ganito ako. Manhid at brutal. Wala na akong pakialam sa damdamin ng iba. Kung masakit akong magsalita ay bahala na sila.

Hindi ganoon kadali na ang mga taong mahal mo, na ang mga matatalik mong kaibigan, na ang mga inakalang mong pangalawa mo nang Ina, na ang mga kamag-anak mong inakala mo'y nagmamahal sayo ay paratangan ka ng isang kasalanang ni minsan ay di mo ginawa.

Kailanman ay di ako nagnakaw. Kahit piso sa bag ng lola ko.

Tama si Ina. Walang TAO sa mundo ang magtitiwala at magmamahal sa akin higit kaysa kanya.

Usapang Pag-ibig...

Kahit gaano man kabarumbado ang isang lalaki, darating ang araw na may isang barumbadong babae ang makakatapat sa kanya.

Siguro nga ay totoo ang mga katagang ito. Minsan, babae lang talaga ang katapat ng mga masasamang lalaki dyan sa tabi tabi.

Pero hindi yan ang gusto kong pag-usapan ngayon. Gusto kong pag-usapan ang isang walang kwentang pag-ibig na kainlanman ay hindi ko sinadyang mangyari.

Ang tigas talaga ng ulo mo anu? bakit kaba kasi tanong ng tanong ha?

Sinisira mo tuloy ang pagkakaibigan nating dalawa.

Kung alam mo naman pala eh bakit ka pa nagtatanong? diba hindi na yun mahalaga kasi may buhay pag-ibig kana.

Ano ba talagang gusto mo? ginagawa mong kumplikado ang mga pangyayari.

Hindi ko kailangang sagutin ang tanong mo dahil hindi pa sira ang ulo ko.

At kung alam mo na naman pala, eh bakit ka pa nga kasi tanong ng tanong? ha?

Tinanong mo ako noong isang linggo tungkol dito. Tinanong mo ako noong isang araw. Tinanong mo ako kagabi. Pati ba naman ngayon? Meron akong ginagawa sa opisina at disturbo ka.

Hindi ko alam ang gusto mo. Pero ang gusto ko ay manahimik ka na. Sumaya ka sa piling ng iba.

At noong sinabi ko sayong hindi ikaw ang tipo kung babae ay sinabi mong sinungaling ako. Ano ka ba? tanga ka ba? iba yung 'tipo' sa 'mahal'. Iba yung 'gusto' sa 'pag-ibig'

Nakuha mo? kung hindi mahina ang processor ng utak mo ay makukuha mo toh.

Hindi ko rin naman sinabi na totoo ang hinala mo.

Pero sadyang ikaw yung tipong assuming. At gusto mo talaga akong paaminin.

Ano naman ang aaminin ko? wala nga diba? Tigas ng ulo mo.

Magkaibigan tayo. Walang ganyanan. Masaya ka na. Doon kana. Huwag mo na kasi akong atupagin.

Kung hindi lang kasi kita kaibigan eh matagal na kitang sinabit sa krus sa kakulitan mo.

Huwag kanang magtanong ulit. Para masaya ang mundo.

Can Change Change Love?

You're beginning to scare me.

I dont know if you're even aware of it.

You're slowly growing up. maturing.

You're no longer that sweet little thing i feel in love with.

You get angry easy.

You're always complaining.

Not that you don't have the right.

But you are getting frustrated more and more.

And you vent it on me.

I can feel it now.

The blame trickling down like rain.

I was afraid of the moment

Where everything that was wrong in you life,

You'd say... started with me.

I asked you once before,

Can you see yourself, growing old with me.

You didn't answer.

Is this the part,

Where goodbye is to begin

So that we would not end up hating each other.

Should i walk out the door now

And close it forever,

Because some love can really not last forever?

There is no stopping change

We both know it then

And we still know it now.

Would change keep us apart,

I don't know. i don't have all the answers.

All i have is this silly thing called love

I don't even know could last.

I wish to say don't change

But that would be silly, isn't it?

When obviously, we're headed that way?

Would all my love suffice to ease all your pain?

Or will all your pain suffice to annihilate all your love.

I don't know if i still have the courage to know.

Going Back to Cebu...

I'll see you again...

I'll be astounded by your beauty again.

I'll stay mute as you talk again.

I'll fall for you again...

I'll say goodbye again...

Walang Maisulat...

Kung nagbabasa ka ng blogpost ko ay siguro magtataka kung bakit nasabi ko ngayon na walang akong maisulat.

Hindi ito normal sa taong puro computer at pagsusulat ang kinakain araw araw, na kahit sa klase ay nagdadala ng maliit na notebook at bolpen para lamang maisulat ang ano anong bagay na lumalabas sa kanyang utak. sa ibang salita, werdo akong tao.

Bakit wala akong maisulat? Dahil wala nga. Pero alam ko na meron akong dahilan.

Na merong mga bagay na gusto ko sanang gawin pero hindi ko ginawa pagkat alam kong hindi tama. Na merong mga taong mas ninais kong pakitaaan ng karahasan kesa pakitaan ng motibong alam kong magdudulot lamang ng komplikasyon sa maganda ko nang buhay.

Hindi ko alam kong isa bang pagkakamali ang maging ganito sa labing anim na pagkakataon. Matagal ko nang alam na wala itong patutunguhan. At matagal ko na ring alam na ako ang taong walang patutunguhan sa larangang hindi ko masyadong kabisado.

Sana ay noong gabing yon, hindi nalang ako umalis dito sa pugad ko, sa opisina, at tinapos ko nalang ang lahat ng aking gawain. Sana ay ginawa kong manhid ang sarili ko ng mga panahong iyon para wala akong maramdaman. Pero ako'y mahilig sa matalinghagang istorya at naniniwala sa pag-ibig sa unang pagkikita. At yun nga...

Pero napag-isip isip kong (dalawang linggo na ang nakaraan) ako ay tapos na sa mundo ng kahibangan at kailangan munang atupagin ang mga bagay na importante. Mas importante pa sa mga bagay na tanging mga talunan lamang ang maniniwalang magtatagal.

At siguro ay dito na ito matatapos...ayaw ko nang magsulat pa...hindi ko na masyadong makita ang mga letra sa monitor...natatabunan na ng mga butil ng tubig... 

Mga luhang para sana sa iyo...

Mga kamay'ng gusto ka sanang hawakan pero aking pinipigilan...

Mga matang gusto ka sanang titigan pero aking pinipikit...

Masaya ako sa naging desisyon ko, dahil ayaw ko talaga sayo.

Ayaw ko....

Ayaw ko....

Ayaw ko nang lumayo sa iyo.

Mga Medyo katulad din na post: E.click niyo lang

http://soulhunted.blogspot.com/2010/10/things-i-hate-most.html

http://soulhunted.blogspot.com/2010/09/habang-lasing.html

http://soulhunted.blogspot.com/2010/09/iantog-mo-ulo-mo.html

http://soulhunted.blogspot.com/2010/11/mga-bagay-na-pinaghihinayangan-ko.html

My lover...

She is sweet.

She is caring.

She calls me everyday.

She asks me if I am okay.

She worries when I am sad.

She gives me advise in things I am not good at.

She cries when I raise my voice at her.

She never gets mad at me.

She has infinite patience.

She is the most beautiful of her kind.

She is smart.

She is brave and hardworking.

She is proud of me.

She is God-fearing and religious.

She loves me very much.

She will do everything for me.

She is not my girlfriend, but she is my Lover.

She is my Mother.

Just kill Me Now...

This is a good canon. This is a shuttle rocket I guess. I will put her here so that I can send her to any of the moon in the universe. Laughs!

Last Night, I was ready to die OUT OF SHAME.

Someone just made FUN of me the whole night. ( Early this morning too).

Believe me, if I will see her again I will hang her in the cross of the Dumaguete Cathedral.

I will put her in a sack, and hang her in a tree forever.

I will maker her wish that she don't want to live anymore.

I will tore her apart, put her in a CANON, and shoot him to the MOON. hahaha :P

Okay. But she is my friend. I rarely see her so happy. And if I am the object of her happiness last night, it is FINE. I understand her. She's a GIRL after all. :)

Making Everyone Special...

 

I always opt to make everyone special. This is the least thing I can do for my small circle of friends.

Most of my friends, aside from my relatives, are women. I was raised by the most beautiful and kindest woman in the world, my mother. Thus, I want to make every girl in my life special, except those who don't like me. NOTE: IF YOU DO NOT LIKE ME, I DO NOT LIKE YOU TOO. :P

When they become a pessimist of themselves, like calling themselves ugly or dumb, I always tell them that they are beautiful.

That they are smart and wonderful inside and out.

I always believe that everyone is special.

And I am the most special of them all. :P

But I guess, a different story goes with my sister. I just don't know what is with her. I love her though.

She was more beautiful this time...

I went to Cebu later on December.

It's been a while. 4 years. And I remembered the girl I used to have a crush with.

She was beautiful. Fair White Skin. A face of an angel. Slender proportionate body. Perfect. I guess, I like mestisa type of gals. She was just really attractive since then.

I was 2 years older than her when we met in high school. I was shy that time. Come on, it's high school for Ged's sake. I can't even talk to her. But I used to look at her.

But hey, Now is different. We grew older. We went for a walk. We talked a lot. She was...She was more beautiful this time... All I did was to watch her face. She was demure. Her voice was so slow and so nice to hear.

Who wouldn't notice her? Everyone liked her in high school. Campus crush. Me? I was famous too. I was the only bastard in the (FAST LEARNERS) FL- section who didn't want to attend classes. I was the bad guy. But look at my face, you would doubt that. :P

I made a trademark of my own. I was famous because I didn't attend classes. I was always late. I didn't have stellar grades. But was always active during division and regional competitions. I guess, high school girls like that, the "latagaw" figure.

I want to go back there. I want to see her again. And walk with her again :)

The feeling was like...Oh my Ged...Im so inlove.. :P

If I could only...

 In this mundane earth, even if almost everything seems to appear so vague and out of reach, there can always be time that everything would seem fine and are located at their proper places.

But I don't know. I really do not know. Sometimes, I am thankful that things went so fine that I would end up smiling in my bed at night.
That I could see myself waking up in the morning with a pleasant smile because of uhmmmmm....uhmmmmm....YOU. :)

If I could only look in your eyes, just like the ones I see in romantic movies, just like the ones in the fairytales, it would be enough to skip a single beat of my heart. It would be enough to read your thoughts, and reveal what you really feel.

If I could only be there when you sleep at night, I would touch your delicate face as gently as I could. I would play every strand of your hair with my fingers, and cuddle your skin with my hand. I would look over you, and watch you as you fall asleep. I'll never get tired of looking at your lovely face.


If I could only see you anytime of the day, then I'll surely make it worth while. I'll ponder every portion of who you are and be amazed by it forever.


If I could only dance with you, then I want the music that won't end. We'll dance under the moonlight and shattering snow. I'll give you warm when you are cold.

 

If I could only be there when you are old, then I promise that you will always look beautiful in my eyes. That your wrinkles won't matter, That I'll hold your hand when your knees hurt. I'll carry you when you have arthritis.


If I could only...


If I could only...


But this is not right. You are you. I am me. We can never be together. You wouldn't like me either, for sure. :P