That's What I meant about RISKY...

I have this constant fear that if I accept the job awaiting for me there in Northernmost Luzon, I will not be able to marry on time or I will not be able to marry someone that will best suit my personality. I do not want to marry Ilongga or Igorota gals. I mean, I was born Bisaya so my bloodline should just remain the same.

But really, my thoughts are not just all about the marrying thingy. I am also thinking about the future. I am thinking about my job. There was this time when I was having my work in the underground that I realized something. Is this really the kind of job that I want? though the pay is good, the work itself is too risky. Will I be able to go on with this kind of job? I am sure that I will find find many opportunities after I get 2 or 3 years of experience.

But this job. Is this really for me?

And then, out of a sudden. I answered myself YES. I want this job. I will endure any emotional distractions. I will not miss anybody. I will preserve myself from any psychological disturbances. I want to build a house for my mom. I want to finance the studies of my sister. I want a home for us.

And lastly, about the marrying thingy. My doctor said that I really need to marry earlier than 30s, around 27 or 28. So with that, I will prepare myself. I want to become a better man for my wife. That means I will stop playing DOTA anytime soon. I will stop hitting on with random girls. I should pick a sport so as to make myself healthy.

My body, the one that was of a varsitarian years ago, the one that could outrun, outsmart, outclassed, outshone, all other smashers years ago is now deteriorating. All this body could ever do is to vomit every early morning because of Ulcer. I need to flesh out a bit. Zoom...

Lord, thank you so much. Maka-graduate najud ko!!! Magtarong ko para wala nay hagbong rung tuiga!!! Wooooooohhh!!!

You were/are/will be always good to me.

I am happy. Just the thought of saying that I am happy is not enough. I was not able to edit the articles that were given to me earlier, nor had the first glance to any of them, because I am happy of my life that came from shit-I-am-not-going-graduate to is-this-for-real-that-I-will-graduate?-I-need-to-because-I-am-too-old-for-college.

When I was 7 years old, I was one of those little kids whose life was unsure about everything. I thought I would end up as a carpenter or a tapasahero (or a mamumunglay rather). I was one of those kids who skipped classes at a barangay elementary school located at a much uncivilized area with no electricity, no asphalted roads. We would wait at the muddy road for the dekarga truck to pass. When it did, I would hurriedly run after it and pull a single stick of sugarcane along with my yagit friends.

That school was one of the many elementary schools I had gone to. I had been to city, municipality, and barangay elementary and high schools, far from each other, just to get enrolled. My family loves to send me anywhere. I, too, had no option. I was never the complainer type of a kid.

I, too, had the idea that I was meant for something. I was never the kind of student who had to graduate without getting noticed around by everybody in all the schools that I had attended. I had something to do with math, science, writing, sports, big fights, rumble, tardiness, and skipping classes. Even until now in college. I didn’t ask for any of these.

But Lord, why are you so good to me? Just the other day, I was one of those college students who were very unsure about their future, unsure about their college graduation because they failed one of their major subjects, unsure about availing a scholarship because of the inconsistencies of their grades.

But then, out of all the stupid(ness) I have done, despite not going to church every Sunday, despite not being a prayerful nomad, despite my soul being rubbish, despite all the wrong things I have done, despite all my wrong decisions, you are here with me, always giving me a smooth sailing life.

I don’t have to ask if how were you able to make a failing grade a passing grade. I won’t ask you anymore how easy it was for me to get the scholarship. But hey, thank you for being there all along. I don’t deserve any of these I know. I am just too lucky I know. But you also know my intentions, and with that, you know what I deserve.

Walking Alone

by Michael R. Anderson

I, too, was born of a world not the same,

Amongst white snow, a raindrops' shame.

In life's garden, a dormant seed.

A heart held of dissimilar need.

I, too, was awed by lightning's flash,

Embering in mind even after the crash.

Followed closely by silent rain,

Blood-red, falling from the sky in vain.

The wind chimed and the earth shook from thunder,

And my mind was but befixed to wonder;

How could I stand amidst this storm,

Seek shelter not, yet still seem warm?

But I, too, take my sorrow at a site-

Other souls would nonchalantly slight.

And I, too, have felt the need for love,

But could only love that need which I dreamt of.

And as I peered deep through the skies,

The clouds grew black to shut my eyes.

The demon that came in your view,

Now's taken from me what he took from you.

In the garden the seed has sprang,

A nameless child unearths the pang.

Felt for the flower, both eyes in close.

Took twenty thorns to touch the rose.

A wondering mind looked to the sky,

So beautiful it had to die.

Laid it to rest upon the stone,

And turned away a man full grown.

Singing the same song at a different tone,

In thoughts, destined to die, unknown.

Born unto a world not of our own,

We walked together, walking alone

New Camera Crashes

My camera, my first digital camera, the one in metallic black color, the one that was given to me as a gift by my Tita the day I went to Baguio, the one that has two digital LDCs (front and back), the one that is not too expensive but dependable, the one that has good looks just like the owner, the one that can record and play amazing pictures and videos, the one that is not too expensive (again) but not too cheap (around 7,000), is gone. Careless aliens sat over it not thinking how precious it was to me.

I love that thing though. I tried my best to take good care of it, not even fingerprints could stay longer on its casing. But here come some immature brats, borrowed it and destroyed it. And all I did was to say nothing because they can not even pay me half of the aforementioned amount. They did not even seriously say sorry or even talk to me after it happened.

I was planning to take pictures of my sister and my friends and my officemates in Dumaguete. I want to take many pictures of them and save it and print it and compile them so that I can look at them when I grow old. Now, I do not know what I will going to say to my Tita. She is gonna be mad. Boom! I will keep it a secret and save some money and buy one in the near future. Her arrival next summer is still far from now. I have got enough time to save some pennies.

I am not mad. Really, I am not. That is not my nature. IT IS JUST THAT I AM REALLY REALLY REALLY MAD I WANT TO EAT THEM ALL OUT. I will no longer think about it. It will just make me ugly. Thinking about a single worldly thing that was long gone is not worth the wrinkles and heart attack. Conscience kills. But I do hope they have one.

Mineralogist Kuno...

Once they have learned that they would be out for a while because the manager sent them to another area for community relations, Ms. Abby and Ms. Mitch, my bosses, asked me to teach some Mining Engineers from a university in Baguio some geology stuff.

So there we went to the rock library and I introduced to them the basic minerals found here in Mankayan District. I also shared to them the techniques on identifying these minerals and rocks. After that, I gave them an exam to test if they were really listening to me. 

They have got high scores though. I was happy about that.I tried my best to speak in Tagalog while using English as the medium of instruction. So bali, taglish ang ginamit ko kahapon. Haha. Para daw akong E-boy magsalita ng tagalog. Ano ang e-boy?

A Time To Think...

With the gradual shining of the sun, a quarter before six o' clock in the morning, along with the cry of the rooster who had to enjoy itself sleeping at a bough of a tree whose moistened leaves of green covered the wondrous earthly creations from the windowpanes of the second storey of this apartment, I stood up from a deep slumber. I took my gray jacket which was hung just right above my head and threw it in.

It was a cold morning, just like the usual mornings ever since the first morning I woke up here in this far-flung area. I can not describe how cold it is here. All I know is that I need to wear a jacket all the time, whether at home or at work.

Tall trees hover the mountains, green plants flourish the hillsides, and rivers flow slowly at shallow depth. The locals are nice and friendly. The workplace, however, can be distinguished into two. First, the geology office here is nice and cool. I have got a computer to use whenever I want to. Secondly, the underground tunnel of which I fear the most, is dark, hot and low in oxygen. Just like a man who is buried six feet from the ground.

Of course, I look cool with all the helmet, boots, head flashlights and all the miner's gears on. At first, I did not enjoy the all day walking inside that tunnel. With the eerie silence, and the rats around, I have become immune to the words ýuck and ewww.

This is the real life. This is the real work. I don't encounter immature brats. This is an office. I am taught with new things, and at the same time given the chance to teach my fellow learners. I don't encounter selfish beings. People here are audacious but possess great intellect. I work professionally with others. I respect them, and at the same time, I gain some in return.

I was right all along. My personality is well-suited to a professional environment. I was meant for bigger things. I am hoping that when the school year commences, people there in the publication office are changed beings, not a bunch of clowns.

Inya Nagan Mo...

"Inya nagan mo?" is the Ilocano translation of "what is your name?". Perhaps, my intention of getting to know better the vernacular of the locals here in Mankayan District is because of this one girl that is so pretty I want to know her name.

Though she did not appear to be a head-turner at first, adding that I could hardly notice her because I am not into gals as of this moment, her smiles came gradual and alluring. These things triggered my senses to finally discern that this gal is worth the watch every time she passes by.

Anyways, this post is really not entirely for the girl herself. I'll tell you something about this place that I'm currently residing. The company that I'm working with shouldered an apartment to its expenses. Aanhin mo naman ang malaki at libreng apartment kung walang tubig!!!

Enough of the apartment, the people here are warm and kind. They would try their best to speak in Tagalog to converse with me properly. They would offer me seat, especially in the Nayak Mine Office area where the Victoria Gold deposit is located. And they would call me 'Sir' but I would say that they don't have to  do that because I am still a student myself. But they would just forget about it and would 'Sir' me always. I let them be.

All of the female geologists here are very kind to me. They would give me snacks and milo. Woooh. And would offer me to use their computers. Another woohh. Their names are Ms. Mitch, Ms. Roma, and my soon-to-be-instructor Ms. Abby. I haven't seen Ms. Abby yet but Ms. Mitch said that she will report tomorrow in the geology office to teach me the things that they are doing.

My last two entries in this blog are very boring. I know that because every time I read my own posts I get bored myself. There is no essence of being a creative writer if you can't write anything creative and would give your readers a good read. But it's just that I am very busy at the moment. I would just type in the computer whatever idea that may come out in my under-construction brain. Better expect random topics in one entry.

Saree na po

I am not the kind of person who is so fond of having friends. I can live my life alone without anyone with me in my entire life. I can move along the day without talking or perhaps even opening my mouth.

I am really such a mood-swinger and I like quiet places. I can’t stand a day being with somebody since I really hate it. I prefer to be alone.

The cigarettes I threw on the road after sipping all its nicotine is an evidence that I am making my life shorter. The bottle of alcohol in my side makes me wonder how life can be so beautiful when all I know is that is sucks!

How I wish they would just know that I only want to live because of my family. Since I am responsible for their sake, I need to be alive and I have to be firm.

I do not really care for others feelings but somehow I am situated in this place where my second family is blooming.

This family, composed of many different personalities, is my new source of laughter. Where I can make jokes, or else I can be the object of laughter by acting like a gay, and laugh out hard when there is something funny. It is so fun to be here.

But somehow there are people who are nice but often insensitive. Maybe the busy atmosphere of the office makes them so insensitive that sometimes they don’t listen or perhaps they don’t let you explain when you have done something wrong (a mistake that is not really a big deal).

I am always attentive when it comes to agreement or something alike and if I am not able to do it, maybe there is really a valid reason or valid reasons.

I do not want to feel like this. I am sad because someone is mad at me without considering what had happen.

I treat this new family of mine very well with all my sincerity because we always stick together in the office for the whole semester.

Though I am really heartless, bully and hot tempered, I am kind to them since they are nice to me as well and I will continue staying like this even if there are people who are insensitive.

I am really trying my best to befriend them and

I just want to say sorry for not being able to jog with you.

SORRY NAGUD KUYA…

Hindi ko alam kung kailan ako huling umiyak.

Kagabi, ng ako'y naliligo at hawak hawak ang sabon sa aking mga kamay
ay bigla nalang may tumulo sa aking mga mata.

Kay lamig ng tubig, ngunit kay init ng aking katawan at hindi ko alam kung ano ang nangyayari.

Lumuha ako hindi lang isang beses, marami iyon.
Sa bawat luhang pumapatak sa sementong nabasa ng tubig ay hirap na hirap ako sa pagpigil ng aking mga luha.
May kung ano akong nais sabihin, pero walang nakikinig, walang gustong makinig.

Humagulhol ako ng malalim, pilit kung pinupunan ang hangin na nauubos sa aking
katawan. Wala akong nagawa kundi umiyak nalang talaga.
Bumaha ng luha sa aking mga mata habang ramdam ko ang sakit na matagal kung tinatago sa aking pagkatao.

Hindi ako naging isang mabuting anak.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang nangyayari sa akin pero parang may gusto akong maramdaman na hindi ko na nalasap ng ilang taon.
Meron akong problema ngunit wala akong mapagsasabihan pagkat walang alam na may problema ako.

Hindi ko rin alam kung problema ba talaga ang dahilan kung bakit ako umiiyak.
Pero sa katagalan ay nalaman ko na rin ang dahilan.

Ako ang problema, ako ang nagkasala, hindi ako naging isang mabuting anak.

Mama, patawarin mo ako pagkat ngayon ay daha dahan ng nawawala ang direksiyon ng buhay ko.

Forgive me friend (I'm talking to you. Yes, you are)

I admit that I am not good in terms on making my friends to stay longer in the circle. My teachers in different secondary schools would always tell me that I am a "test" to my friends. A test, meaning that I am a sort of qualifying exam that people need to pass to figure out who can stay when there's no reason to stay at all for a jerk like me.

Because I am a person having multiple-personalities (not the psycho-weirdo thing) that changes every time I walked in to a place and to the next one, my personalty also changes to suit into the crowd.

When I am at home or at a residential place (don't have one) I am a bully piece of dirt that my "ka-tropa" really has to be courteous when I'm around. I admire them because they respect me a lot and often call me "bossing gud ka dire". They knew that I am a mood-swinger and that I usually have mood swings every time I enter the room.

I even don't understand myself. When I am in the office I am surely becoming a funny noisy geek that I can take hard jokes for granted (wala ra..). But, sometimes I would forget that I'm inside TN and when someone moves a quick joke on me I would just shut my mouth and keep silent for a while and wait for a couple of seconds until I can bounce back a joke..

I am not really used when someone makes fun of me but I guess I was the one who gave them the impression that I am a happy-go-along person and that I can handle temper-loosing jokes.

Honestly, the office is the only place where I can smile and laugh out loud until I get tired. The place where I talk so much and do stupid silly things beyond my control..

But, It is much better that way. I don't want them to know me as a hot-tempered no-earth citizen which I usually do all the time in my boarding house. I really hate noisy people that's why I always kick and slam the doors of anyone who makes noise when I am asleep.

Or if someone would gave me a half meant joke when I am in the bad mood (you bet I am always in the bad mood), then the war is near and I'm ready to launch my dynamo fist. I only respect a few people and these are the ones whom I call kuya and ate.

When I call someone's name or when I say Hi! or hello! that means I am really trying hard to greet you guys because I never greet anybody. I am nice, and pretend to be a stupidly gayish shrek because I am learning to situate myself to a daily routine with all of you in my everyday life cycle.

I want to mark your heads that I am easy-to-be-with though I'm really not. See? I am very irritating most of the times and I love to irritate people. I so love it when someone holds anger at me without a deep reason because it will really show how poor the socializing skills they have.