Confusions

I really do not know if I can take this anymore.

I am sure I won’t reach the cut-off grade in one of my major subjects. I am a mathematician yet I don’t remember my math lessons in the past. They just suddenly swept out from my mind. It’s like a short term memory that can be forgotten directly.

Am I really a mathematician or a person whose world is just all about writing?

I write a lot. Since I was too young writing anything has been my pastime and that I so love it.

But when I went to college it seems like I want to explore the other opposite end of being a writer and that is to become what you so called “matimatiks-wanna-be” student. It was not hard since I am really good in numbers when I was still in high school so I bet the start of my new career will be fine. Of course it was fine.

Until I reached my second year as a college student, I took all things for granted. I don’t listen to my math teachers anymore because I thought it would just be easy. So, whenever I attend my classes I would just sit back there and press the keypads of my phone then start texting everyone.

Until I realized I am just taking CALCULUS for granted.. ITS CALCULUS.. capital CALCULUS… It’s been the word I’ve been hearing since I was in first grade. I’ve been hearing rumors about it that it was hard and that it was really mind bugging when I was a child and now I AM JUST THINKING THAT IT IS EASY???. Where the world have you been RYAN when your classmates were scratching there heads because they cannot answer the problems correctly..OOOHHH

Until I got a series of low scores, LOW SCORES!!!!

What will I going to do for Christ sake!

I am so confused and I do not want to disappoint my mother. I am doing my best but it’s just that I don’t like the subject anymore because I want to have a course related to writing and literature. And that is the opposite of mathematics.

Mother I am so sorry!

I can’t have a degree right on time. This was never in my plans but I guess I need to shift to another course. It means that I’ll extend the 4-year contract that we had.
This is hard for me but what can I do? I can’t take it anymore.