Waiting for you...

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For the nth time in my life,  I am being hopeless romantic again. It is not because I like someone else or inlove with someone else or anything like that. I just feel so plain and alone yet inlove.

I know it sounds really weird and this kind of talk should not be brought here in blogger.com. But since I have already posted here too many an entry about how my love life went a couple of months ago, there is no reason for me not to write about love in here anymore.

The rain is too heavy tonight. Too heavy that I can still hear the sound of a thousand droplets of water as they hit the roof. Though I am listening to soft music at mid volume, I can still hear the rain too clearly, as clear as how my heart beats for someone I don't know.

And if I would wish to go outside the office at this very moment, I would freeze not because the wind is so cold but no one is out there whom I could hug nor touch. Will there be? I don't know. Because if I will stand up and shove my chair away from the computer cubicle, and open the door to step outside, all I will see is nothing but darkness. And with darkness, I feel secured yet alone; tough yet sad.

It is at these times I come to realize that I am in need of someone who wants to share a part of her life with me, and if possible, love me in a manner that is filled with faith, passion, and of course, for a lifetime.

Forever. I never imagined that I am still that hopeless romantic puppy dog 2 years ago who believes that there is forever in love. Though a couple of my past relationships did not work out well, or did not turn into what I have been expecting them to be, I was and am always a believer of everlasting love.

Because if there is none, there is no God. God resembles true and everlasting love. And it is him that I trust with these thoughts I rarely put into words. But right now, I am slowly putting some of those thoughts into words because a part of me says that I should, and that if I won't, my life will be miserable for a couple of days because I didn't take the chance of letting these feelings turn into magical words.

It took me a couple of seconds to write this next paragraph. Perhaps, the main reason is, I just don't want anybody to read my thoughts but at the same time optimistic that writing something like this will bring magic in my life in one way or another. Just like in the movie Message in a bottle.

I am really hoping of something like that. A girl from nowhere visits my blog unintended, and found a couple of my posts interesting. Then, she will search the net about who I really am. What's my real name. My work. My age. My phone number. Then, she'll fly from Manila, Davao, USA, UK, anywhere in the globe to find me. Then she'll find me in the dock, fixing my bangka because I don't have a yacht. For Fish's sake I can't afford a yacht! Then, she'll say, "hey, I like your yacht."

Then I will smirk because I know she is just joking because it is not a yacht, and even not something that people with good eyes can be liked with. Then, we'll have a date at my bangka and I will try to maneuver the paddles with all my might because I never tried paddling ever before.

Well, at least I tried once but all I did was to paddle and paddle and the bangka did move! Yeah, right. It did move a bit, not to mention that I was creating a laughing stock in the market because All I did was to run the boat in circles, like a boat creating a whirlwind out of water so it will be called whirlwater. Great!

Also, it is at moment like this one that I like to rip off my head and throw it at the trash can because I don't know what I am talking anymore. I just feel so into love.

Why? Well, I have read Message in a Bottle last night. And I am watching Nights at Rodanthe right now.

Blame the movies! Blame the authors! Blame Nicholas Sparks!